“Universal friendliness.”

by April Wazeka

We have many misconceptions of what will make us happy. We think a big car, fancy job, good grades, or a big salary will make us happy, when really external accomplishments bring only fleeting satisfaction.  Things that ensure both physical health (sleep, exercise, nutrition) and mental well-being (social connection, mindfulness, gratitude, and doing for others) are what can make us sustainably happy in the long term.

So how can mindfulness help us?

The heart practices are the four complementary meditation practices to cultivate positive emotions.  Also called the Brahma Viharas or the “heavenly abodes.”

They are:

1) Loving-kindness meditation (Metta). It describes a friendly, caring attitude towards all beings, including ourselves.

2) Compassion (Karuna).  For ourselves and others.

3) Sympathetic joy (Mudita). Being happy for and with the other person.

4) Equanimity (Uppekha). The ability to stand firm (but not rigid) in the midst of the always changing winds of life.

Today I will be focusing on the first practice. Loving-kindness is the mindful practice of love, empathy, understanding, and being kind to others without judgment.

Loving-kindness meditation (or metta) focuses on generating loving-kindness towards oneself and others in a graded way to eventually include all living beings. Metta is sometimes translated as “universal friendliness.”

It is a practice in which we rest our attention on the silent repetition of certain phrases. We start by wishing ourselves well. And then we wish others well.  We begin with a family member or friend. Then we progress to someone neutral. Next we offer loving-kindness to someone difficult, and finally we end with the offering of loving-kindness to all beings everywhere.

Research shows that lovingkindness meditation can enhance positive emotions, heighten life satisfaction, lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol, and improve emotional regulation.  It strengthens kindness, happiness, and well-being.

Loving-kindness meditation also results in greater empathy for strangers and better social connections at work as well as greater stability in social relationships in general. And it has been shown to offer physiological benefits, such as improvement in chronic pain.

So how does it work?

As we said, you direct kindness and love to yourself, then expand in circles of compassion outward to others.

Affirmations can look something like this:

May I be safe.

May I be happy.

May I be at peace.

May I live with ease.

Then these affirmations can be modified to include a loved one, a dear friend, or a pet.

May you be safe

Be happy

Be healthy

Live with ease

Then someone neutral, an acquaintance or a neighbor. And then someone difficult—perhaps someone you dislike or have a hard time being around.

And finally ends with the extension of loving kindness to all beings everywhere.

May all beings be safe

Be happy

Be healthy

Live with ease